Boomtown: The Baby Boomer's Guide to Squandering a Century
Written and Produced by Nicholas Cialdini
Performed July 15th, and 22nd 2010 in Milwaukee, WI with the following cast: Dylan Bolin, Grant Collins, Kristina Felske, Tim Higgins, Cynthia Kmak, Sharon Nieman-Koebert
Musical Director: Joe Hite
Special Thanks to John Schneider
Here is a scene from Boomtown!
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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"Boomers"
Bob: 50s curmudgeon struggling to come to terms with change.
Still living the 'dream'.
Alice: Bob's doting wife.
Donald: Liberal, hypocritical next-door neighbor.
Lights up on Bob and Alice in their
living room. Bob is seated and reading
his paper. Alice tidies the room.
BOB
Yup, the world is going to hell. You believe they still have
a king over there? Only one king as far as I'm concerned. And
that's Elvis Presley.
ALICE
Bob?
BOB
Yes, Alice.
ALICE
Do you ever feel like there's something missing?
BOB
Yeah. I guess so. But I've learned to live without my
prostrate.
ALICE
No. Not that. I mean in our life.
BOB
(rising from his seat)
Well, I never did buy that motorcycle. Imagine me and you on
a Harley. Cruising the open roads in search of the king.
ALICE
Oh Bob! Sounds so romantic! Lately you're becoming that
handsome, polyester-clad fellow I fell for at the roller rink
all those years ago.
BOB
Julio Mcdougal? What you bring that up for?
ALICE
I meant you.
Alice goes to kiss Bob but they're
interrupted by a visitor stage-left
DONALD
Excuse me. Hi, I know we've never met but I'm Donald. I live
next door.
ALICE
Oh Yeah? When did you move in?
DONALD
1974
ALICE
You mean we've been neighbors for 35 years and we never even
met? My how the time flies.
BOB
Too soon if you ask me. Thinks he's special because he's got
the extra-long driveway?!?
ALICE
Bob, that's no way to treat a guest!
BOB
I could've had a longer driveway... But I managed to make do.
I never complained or blamed my country. Besides, all six of
our cars fit out there.
DONALD
Listen. Barbara and I sold the place. We're finally moving
down to Florida to get flipped off by meth kids and die of
melanoma.
BOB
Why go all the way to Florida? I can give you the finger
right here for free.
Bob flips Donald the bird
BOB
The melanoma is going to cost you, though.
ALICE
Oh! I just love Florida. What are you going to do down there?
DONALD
I always wanted to catch a dolphin with my bare hand.
BOB
That all sounds real interesting but if you'll excuse us
Alice and I were just leaving. We're going to buy a
motorcycle. (proudly) Bet you never dreamed of having your
own bike...
DONALD
Oh, yeah. I got four of 'em. I can teach you how to ride if
you want.
BOB
(angry and jealous)
Well, I suppose you have a long enough driveway to store
them, don't you, Don? (to Alice) Son of a Bitch just had to
have the longest driveway in the neighborhood.
ALICE
Now, now, Bob. Don't be a wet towel (to Donald) He gets like
this when he doesn't have his Lipitor. Let me get you a
coffee. Do you like Tasters Choice?
DONALD
No, no. I can't stay. I just wanted to finally meet you and
tell you we're moving. By tomorrow afternoon I'll be on a
waterslide in Florida.
ALICE
Hmmm. Tell me. What are the new ones like?
DONALD
OH. They're wetter and wilder than you ever imagined.
ALICE
I was talking about the new owners.
DONALD
I know. Me too. You are just going to love them. They're
very, very sheik.
ALICE
Ohhhh. Sounds fancy.
DONALD
Yes, indeed. They're a consortium of Iranian Sheiks. They're
buying up the whole neighborhood. I'm surprised you haven't
met them.
[Bob begins to have a heart attack.]
DONALD
Is he okay?
ALICE
Oh dear. Another heart attack. He needs his Lipitor.
Alice runs to retrieve the Lipitor. Bob
collapses into a chair and gasps for
breath.
DONALD
You might want to have that checked out, Bob.
Alice returns with the Lipitor.
ALICE
Oh, dear. Here's your Lipitor. And here's your vitamins and
your Prilosec. Okay. And you have to take your Centrum, and
don't forget your Nuva Ring.
BOB
(taking the ring)
What's that for?
ALICE
I don't know. It was on sale.
Bob regains his composure and stands
up.
BOB
Don't you have any discretion in who you sell the
neighborhood to? When I was a kid one of the guys on the
block tried to sell his place to a Commie! Well, we wouldn't
take that standing up, so we went over there one night and
burnt the place down.
DONALD
Seems a little crazy.
BOB
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT WAS! Later we found out he wasn't
really a commie. But he wore a red sweater-vest so to hell
with him! Back then if you tried to sell your place to some
wet and wild Iranians, boy, we would have done something
about it.
DONALD
Look, Bob. I know how you're feeling. But we can't undo all
the damage we've done. The best thing to do is to find a
neighborhood with a taller gate and a pharmacy with a
delivery service. It kills me to say it. I was at Woodstock.
I was there when we changed the world with our music. When
Richie Havens yelled freedom and we mooned our square
parents. But some problems just can't be solved by rolling
around in the mud. Besides, I got Gonnoreha the fist time
around so I'm not going there again. I just want you both to
know that Barbara and I are really going to miss you.
ALICE
(pause)
Who?
DONALD
Barbara. My wife... Blonde lady drives the Lexus...
Nevermind. Au revoir. That's French for don't cut in line at
the waterslide.
Donald leaves and Bob yells after him.
BOB
I hope you get sunburn on your balls. And tell the Iron Shiek
that if he don't trim those rosebushes I'm going to be on his
ass like Nancy Grace just saw a white girl kidnapped.
BOB
(to Alice)
Seems like a decent guy.
ALICE
Oh yeah. He's real nice.
[BLACKOUT]
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
